She ignores me on Facebook. It's like I don't even exist.
I thought I read the signals wrong.
But I talked to my straight friend who knows what's going on. She's like... well, this is what I would tell you if it were a guy. And I was like, good, because it's practically the same. It's that icky flirting/person of interest advice. She told me that I definitely read the signals correctly (especially after she overheard what she said once), I should just give up, she's not worth my time, and she's being a bitch.
That girl I noticed so strongly last week, I'll codename her Sunny, gave me the most dazzling smile today. She really needs to stop doing that, or I'll definitely develop a crush on her, if I haven't done so already. This dazzling smile came just as I was leaving school, so I was left with the whole two-mile walk home just to think about Sunny and her smile and all the other girls and women whose smiles I have liked. In chronological order:
So my dad and I the other day were discussing something or other, and the girl who had a crush on me got brought up. I mentioned I hoped she was over me now, and my dad says "Well you never fully get over someone once you've liked them."
I was watching Better Off Ted tonight, it was so good! Veronica has the best lines! And I'm not just saying that because I'm a queer girl who happens to think Portia De Rossi is crazy pretty :P
But I didn't get to watch the second episode :(
School was decent today...
Don't really have much else to post other than I saw Maria today. I wonder if she's noticed that my face lights up every time I see her. It's weird, never really had that happen to me, but it happens every time I see her. Then I get a stupid grin on my face and try to hid it :D
I was in class today and my crush, well one of them, came to sit beside me to talk. Okay, we were just talking about school stuff, but still.... :) Anyways, she was praising me a bit on how good I'm doing in class (99% average in Mechanics of English) and stuff and I was just: "Wow, she is SO cute!". I can't freaking stand it! I thought I was kinda over her, I mean the stigma attached to this crush is enough for me to wish it away, but then today it all came rushing back. She was just sitting there beside me laughing away and I'm just....melting. *Ahem* Just a bit.
So. yeah. I think I've got my first official crush(es). I say crush(es) because there is more than one girl I think is cute/smart, but then there's one girl who's just cute... I don't know. I just thought I'd make you all aware.
I spent at least 2 hours alone, in class, with my classroom crush today...
I got this book today from the library called Fire Logic by Laurie J Marks has anyone read it? It's a fantasy novel and I've heard it's good and has some lesbian content/romance in it...so....yeah, not that EVERYTHING I watch or read has to be gay...but yeah, the only things I want to take the time to read right now are gay romances. Because, well, I still don't have that in my life and I'm a romantic, okay? Ha. Anyways that girl at school is still, ah...so cute. And nice.
You know I'm pretty good at concealing my awkwardness but dammit if this girl isn't trying to make me the most awkward person ever. Haha. We were working on another group project today. So, she's on the other side of the table near all the crafty stuff and I'm being all awkward and I don't really know what role in the group I should be taking and she looks at me and she's like "come on" and she smiles and motions for me to come over and help make our prototype. And so I melt :)
A small victory, but a very satisfying one :D Also, this really adorable girl I like is coming home tomorrow and we are probably going to hang out all weekend to make up for spring break. She just texted me and said she can't wait to see me and get out of oklahoma. I got so excited lol yeah im pathetic. Anyways after a week of no antidepressants my dad finally picked up my lexapro which will just make my weekend better because I've been really crazy without them since I was forced to just stop taking them after I've been on them for more than 2 months.
Okay, so I've been in a weird cooking mood lately. I think its cause I have a crush on a guy. So last night I made lentil stew which was amazing except for the fact that I put WAY too much red pepper flakes in an my dad isn't big on spicy things so he didn't like it as much as I did.
Almost all my dreams for the past week maybe 2 have involved this guy in my class. I never really had a crush on him or anything but i can't stop dreaming about him. these aren't even sex dreams. Most of them are more centered around love and intimacy than the actual act of sex itself. Anyway now that I can't stop dreaming about him I am beginning to develop feelings for him, which is ridiculous.
yeah so im def fancying this girl on our softball team. she plays shortstop and there is just something about her liitle frame that is cute. but she kinda looks like gumby. its small but i def see the rememblance. me and my friend are trying to stalk her but who the fuck dont have a facebook?
So I had a dream last night after a semi-random girl who I'd call a 'friend' called me up! I never would've thought ANYTHING unique about her since she's pretty average in every single way, no offense to her; and I've heard her label herself as such 3+ times. Anyway, when she called I immediately thought:
A) Is she a lesbian and trying to come out to me/ask about my sexuality?
So my first week of swim practice is almost over. And today, for some chlorine induced reason, I decided that I wanted to make it to districts in the 500 yrd event. For all you non-swimmers, 500's are the longest event in the high school swim meet. Nobody on my team will voluntarily swim this event. But me. The asthmatic. I swim the 500 in a little over 9 minutes.
Who forgot their e-mail and pw, So they magically turned into a lion months later.
So I've been away. Working working working. I hate not having any time to hang out with my friends. Stupid car payment, I can't even drive.
I have had a crush on one of my best friends, Josh, for two years now. He is the hottest guys I know. However, he never, NEVER, talks because of something that happened when he was younger that has paralysed his vocal cords.
I am happy to say that I am now over my straight crush. Woo-hoo!
However, I am getting another crush on a girl who I'm not sure is gay, straight, or bi.
so i just spent my entire final exam completely distracted. i ran into the girl i like just before it started, and the whole time during the test i had mental images of her with chris pureka songs running through my head. really, when i fall, i fall so hard it's not even funny. it was all i could do to just finish the damn thing. i was reading questions 4 and 5 times over.
girls can be so freaking frustrating. one of my friends, who is about 2 years younger than me, is totally playing my feelings like a yo-yo. it seems like she likes me....but then she says stuff that makes me change my mind, and it frustrates the hell out of me. its kinda like when we're alone or just in our close group of friends its ok to be touchy-feely. for example, we're both in basketball and in practice she'll give me hugs and like touch my face or flirt with me, at least it seems like she's flirting.