*inspired by Richard Siken's poetry
Daybreak was smeared across
the upstairs window like
frosting on a week old cake.
I woke up with the feel of
your august fingers on my temples,
rubbing circles the way
you used to do when I was nervous.
It was comforting then
but now it haunts me.
Jamie, I'm mad at myself
for dreaming of ghosts
and maroon sweaters.
It only means that I'm dwelling on this,
on the shadow that you left behind,
living inside its cold attic chest,
breathing out stale carnations
through silvery lungs.
I miss you, Jamie.
I miss the iron butterflies
I think I will be okay. I don't know what will happen. I may be over reacting, who knows. But I'd rather be prepared for the worst. I'm going to be here whenever she needs me. I hope that's ok. She loves me. She is worried she will never be happy on her own. Why can't she understand sometimes people need help before they can be their own person? We are changing. That's ok. I can change with it. I feel like I'm maturing. I don't feel selfish anymore. I've realized this the past couple days. I don't care how I feel about it. I don't care if I'm sad.
Ok...you have been told by the Dr that you have maybe two or three years to live. There is no cure for what ever it is that you have. You will be able to function just like you are up until the last min. of your life. So.... What are three things you want to do before you die and why?
Me (1): To learn to fly a plane and fly around the world. Because I have always wanted to fly.
(2) To speak my mind to every one because i do not want to worry what they thought of what I say or do.
my mom might be dying by her own hand.
i awoke this morning to the bellevue police department banging on the door, and when my dad let them in i got dressed and came upstairs, but not before i put it all together.
As we get older...We think of death.
Not willingly but we do
We think of past loves,
Wondering if we did our best.
As we get older we think of death
coming with the cold
our last breath it will wrest.
As we get older We think of death
will it be swift
off the waves crest.
As we get older we think of death
creeping up on us
taking our loved ones
taking our pets
from the east or from the west.
As we get older
Is it possible to want to die, but not want to kill yourself? I mean...I wouldn't say I am suicidal...but I don't want to live. No...I think what I mean to say is that I don't want to feel. I think some people confuse not wanting to live and not wanting to feel. See...the thing is...sometimes I wish I was a cutter. I mean...cutters cut because they want to feel something. They can't feel without hurting themselves physically. I want to STOP feeling. I feel too much. I wish I could turn off my physical feeling and my emotion.
Death comes at you when you least expect it, flies in your face like a baseball in gym class, you looking the other way like always. Death settles in fast in the bottom of the bottomless pit that is your gut, settles and sits like cement, waiting, waiting, to dry.
Yeah. And my chest aches. And I miss him. I feel weird and numb. It's so weird, having to adjust to the fact that someone's just...not there. Y'know?
Drunk and riding around at 1 AM. This is not how I imagined remembering Rick. He is indestructible. He was indestructible. It’s so hard to believe he’s gone, within one passing second a drunk driver sped past the cross-walk, his best friend unable to pull him back, that fast. Poor kid, he blames himself, I can tell. They say he was killed on impact. That’s good right? Not much pain?
my friends mom just died from cancer. christmas eve morning. he just IMed me and told me. its times like this that i really wish i was goth. they're misunderstood because people think that they're all about death and suicide and crap like that, but they're not. they are good people because they celebrate life AND death. they understand that death is a part of life.