Diary

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Reflecting on my personality

It's quite late, and I should really go to bed, I have to catch a flight tomorrow morning, and it's really quite cold, I don't even want to leave my bed, let alone the apartment.

I was thinking about things I need to work on, personality wise, regarding myself. I've boiled them down to two main things:

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Ready for Winter

Full Silk Square Scarf $189-->$30
Red WORLD Skinny Jeans $245-->$105
Black WORLD Dress Shirt $189-->$50
Grey Marcs Wintercoat $369-->$169
Red Marcs Hoodie $149-->$25

I LOVE SALES

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so

Going to a costume party now!

boyfriend = harry potter
me = cho chang LOL

ummmmm

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I can't sleep

I can't sleep properly
i can't sleep properly
i keep worrying about my upcoming blood test
and it's like a month away

i'm getting dark circles around my eyes and I'm getting sick
but am i sick because of HIV or because i haven't been getting sleep?
no answer
it's like a month away

this is so painful i'm losing my mind
im losing my mind
someone save me

please

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Tonight's Date

I felt kind of sick today. I don't want to whine and complain too much, but that's kind of the point of a journal entry right? The meds are starting to kick in... I felt like throwing up on the bus to the gym. Then at the gym it got worse too, I had to leave early and I felt particularly sick when I started doing weights. We'll see if it gets better or worse during the week. Then I hung out with two of my friends who knows what's happening - but not once did they bring it up... I don't want to be treated like I'm sick. Which is amazing. I love them.

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I got an HIV test

I got an HIV test done today. They will have the results by tomorrow, but they will tell me in person on Wednesday. It's only going to be a baseline test because HIV exposure has a 30day window period. I got really freaked out and couldn't sleep so I taxied to the hospital at 6 in the morning. They've given me about a week of post exposure prophylactic treatment just in case, and I have to buy the next three weeks myself. It's six pills a day for four weeks.

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i am a stupid man

sigh

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It will all be over tomorrow

I have my last exam tomorrow, so I shouldn't really be writing this, I should be studying. But studying for hours and days on end really takes its toll... so here I am - letting my mind unwind.

I had an eye exam the other day. Apparently I've got sun damage. It's only at its early stages, but being the heath freak I am I got it checked out anyway. I want to invest in a really nice pair of sunglasses now. Stupid excuse to splurge on expensive accessories...

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Fuck off

I feel so sick. I need to stop going out so much. Definitely made the right choice staying in tonight.

I feel physically and emotionally sick. I haven't eaten well for the whole week. I ate only like one meal per day. I don't remember where my Sunday and Thursday went. Same with today. Stop drinking. Stop it. Argh. I have bloody exams next week.

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I can't fall in love

Omitted.

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This is a confession

Ommitted.

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We can dance

Omitted.

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I suspected we began at the wrong end

What's the meaning of a number?
I won't be 18 anymore.

1. 2010. The only year I haven't dated someone and loved them.
2. 2010. My first year of university - doing completely different subjects than high school.
3. 2010. Joined the gym
4. 2010. The year which my dog left.
5. 2010. First one-night-stand.
6. 2010. The year which I made the best friends ever.
7. 2010. Almost a decade living away from my parents.
8. 2010. The year when I stopped growing taller (maybe/finally).
9. 2010. The year I -started- and -quit- smoking.
10. 2010. Financial independence.

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Jesus

So
He was unbuttoning my shirt
he gave me a cigarette
he reached down my pants
at the club
and asked "can we go"

and I said, I've got to talk to my ex boyfriend
I said I liked his hair
it reminds me of my ex girlfriend
he looked sad
maybe jealous

he's a dancer
he was hot
jesus i was so drunk
i fucked up mannnnn

oh yeah, some guy with a scarf on the bus talked to me. he offered me a cookie. right

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UM

LOL IM SUCH AN ASSHOLE

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Productive

I'm your biggest fan I follow you until you love me.
I've decided what to do for new years! I'm going to Melbourne! That shit is going down man. I'm going with J, M, and A. We've all made a pact, we're all going to look super good for the beach by then.

J and I are going gym three times a week. I'm making good progress. M and A are taking up zumba and stretch classes. Oh my God, I can't wait. I burnt over 600 calories on cardio alone today. I also ordered some protein supplements... saves money from buying meat and shakes.

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ya k

time goes by so fast when you're tired

tired... tired...

english looked fun today
new law class was a piece of shite. at least i know heaps of people in it.

taking five papers this semester... just for fun. I'll be v busy!

phil - human nature
phil - freedom and rights
eng - sonnets/comics (i'll be analysing dr seuss and lolita! the reading list is awesome)
pol - foundations of western law
law - legal method (FUCK OFF)

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WAN DEM MITTAGESSEN IST?

Just got back from town. No I am not sleepin with anyone. Why did I get Skylar's number. He kissed me. Once, twice. I don't know he wanted me to stay I fucked that up. Fuck that he's all madeup. Whatever, my heart is somewher else. Somewhere not here, if I can find it.

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Sometimes I'm a mess

It's getting really late and I should really get to bed... but I feel like I must throw bits of brain on here before I do.

I would just like to start by saying I'm not depressed, nor are things out of control. Albeit some things are, but they are secondary... I'm more concerned with simply recounting... evaluating a sort of 'emptiness' (without a better word) I'm feeling.

In fact, things are going very well.

Socially, things are great. I've gone out everyday, caught up with friends, met many new people in the holidays. There are no dramas. I feel 'loved'.

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The type to love and leave

I love international tournaments. I'm back from Australs 2010. The five star hotels, the suits, the lavish dinners, the pretentious functions, the interesting people I met, the drunk hookups, the self-conceited arrogance of me and many others. We were spoilt, and every connection seemed simple yet consequential. We were absolutely wonderful.

There were over 450 people. Every sort of person was there, so I thought there's got to be a few gays around.

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