what's the best way to come out? are the holidays a bad time?
Drain my horrible pain it hurts me so, let full moons wrath let go. I am one with its wrath and together we shall cause my enemies pain and suffering, while half moons blight shall do almost the same. Nothing can escape my sight.
i wrote this when i was 12, so its a little raw and basic, but most people say its really good. that was back when i was still confused as to why i liked guys.
My dad convinced me to stay in the closet with my mom and grandparents. Because yeah, they'd probably go out of their way to find some way to blame it on him...
But I have been hinting at it towards my mom. I'm sure she won't ask. It's too awkward. So she can't say anything as a definite. *snicker*
Okay, I wrote something earlier today, well, yesterday, but I felt the need to write again, so here I am.. It's, like, 2:40 in the morning now and I'm not supposed to be on the computer now, but who cares?
When I was standing outside the math classroom today, waiting to be let in, this girl in front of me, whose butt I have been ogling for the past few weeks, leaned down to grab her stuff, which she had put down on the floor. When she did this, her butt brushed up against my thigh. Wow, I actually got to touch that butt...even if it wasn't with my hands.
Lying, crying, dying.
I'm so sick of pretending
that I'm alright.
I'M NOT OKAY.
anything you wanted me to be.
Not pretty or worthy or happy,
in one piece, surviving.
Not even alive.
This body sports the battle scars
of every day in your house.
I'm so fucking dead inside
I don't even know how to feel.
I thought it would be hard
to find somebody I hated
more than myself.
I have figured out why I care so much all of a sudden about my fingernails. The little kids at my work, think I'm amazing because I paint my nails random colors. With sparkles or multiple colors. It's a pretty cool group of kids...I work at the YMCA. Where they promote "Strong Christian Values." I could giggle everytime I see that sign. It cracks me up.
So, because I'm too lazy to make tostadas myself...I decided ask my dad to make them tomorrow for dinner. My European mixed father. When I have perfectly good skills. And my mother....the MEXICAN one...doesn't make good tostadas. How does this work?
Whateversexual_llama's guitar is named Tostada. Now I want Tostadas. Or atleast a trip to Taco Bell. Just because I CAN make myself perfectly good hispanic food, doesn't mean that I actually WANT to. My poor Abuela would cry over that. She spent I don't know how many hours in the kitchen teaching my cousins and I how to cook. And now, we only make minudo every other summer.
This is here for all the people from the UK, I found this on another site but they may be using people from other countries as well
I don't know if it was our shared fear of flying to New York tomorrow, or the effect of the depressingly rare bout of sunshine we got this afternoon, but me and my sister, Gemma, had an intelligent conversation. It was rather insightful, so far as it affirmed my belief that I'm right about a lot of things because other people are, quite simply, ignorant.
After about a year and a 1/4 of reluctance I've finally come out somewhere where I was a bit afraid to.
Sweet Little Lamb
The shock was still ricocheting inside my head when I opened my eyes. Where am I? A beeping sound echoed steadily within the white interiors of the room.
My family is so disfunctional its not even funny.
Hmm okay. Well this is a slight review of some things on my mind about my family.
So, I'm going back to Asia to see my parents again. I dread seeing them, but yet I don't know if I'm completely disappointed or not. I suppose it's more like indifference with a passion to do something else more productive.
I'm moving back home tomorrow or the next day. There were conditions involved and stuff. But I think it will turn out for the best. I dunno...I like my freedom and I'm really inderpendent, but we'll see. I'm not sure how I feel about it yet. But my mom totally tore into my dad about how he alienates me and stuff...So thats a good thing. I dunno. I need a new friend.
So lets start from the begining. School was it's usuall random stupidness. We had a water polo meeting after school. I'm pretty excited. But I'm leary at the same time. The rules have all changed and I can barely catch with two hands much less one. I think it would be a good way to get into shape for swim season. I'm looking forward to it.
I was reading a post someone made a while ago and that reminded me / inspired me to tell my story of "recognition"(I guess you could call it that...).
This is going to be rather long-winded or I may leave out parts so it won't make sense... So if you read this and have any questions, just ask...
So I stayed at my brother's this week and I was messing around on his computer.I forgot to log out of my youtube account when I was getting off the computer to watch tv.I have loads of fan videos with music and stuff for shows like the L word,and South of Nowhwere saved to my favourites,and he just clicked into my account to see if I had anything good on it.
I have sat here and debated, for however many odd days, what it is that I had to say. I felt that I had too much to say to just put it in a few short sentences because I have been begging for a way out other than the obvious for months. Searching for somebody to save me, when only I can save myself, although I cannot do it alone. I am tired of broken promises, lies and all the yelling.