I'm currently supposed to be finishing up some homework. I don't feel like it for multiple reasons, but one thing that bothers me is that my full name is prominently displayed whenever I go to do it. It's online homework, and so it's under my full legal name, the one I gave the college. It's infuriating. I feel depressed when I look at it, like my work is all really someone else's.
And of course, binding hurts, is itchy and uncomfortable, but I'm scared to transition, scared that I'll regret it. Yet I'm binding daily and disguising my feminine features. I'm so frustrated right now. :(
I am having a dysphoric day.
Today was decent until I got up to get dressed. I've been struggling with something selfish- there's a flannel shirt I love that my girlfriend hates. It has a slight history, in that it reminds her of someone who she dislikes. So I've been trying to wear it in ways that bother her less, but I think I should just cut the shirt out of my life. It is really just a shirt, and looking out for my girlfriend means so much more to me.