okay, well if you all have read most of my blogs you know that me and crystal are looooong over. and if you read my blogs from when i was with her you know that i was pretty much knees over tits inlove with her, and she pretty much was a total waste of time. well, shes part of the reason i pushed myself to be so girly and... the truth is, it isnt me. so i think im going to quit wearing my makeup so thick, get my "shane" haircut back and i want to buy a binder to wear. BTW i am now with an amazing girl named jesse, who im positive is different from anyone i've even been with in my entire life.

Okay guys and gals :]]
i really need some help,
Im inlove with a girl named Jesse.
She lives in Indiana,
and i am supposed to go see her from december 26-january 2.
the only problem is i need to pay for half of my plane ticket,
thats about 270 bucks.
I have a job,
I work with Avon.
the only problem is that not enough people are buying,
my paychecks arent coming in big enough and well,
im scared guys, we've both been looking forward to this for awhile and its going to be horrible if im not able to go.
Did i mention its supposed to be my first time meeting her?

so, its 4:06 in the morning.
yesterday i stayed up till 6:30,
i really think i have insomnia.
i just got done watching Equality U on logo,
i'll have to admit,
watching my community be handcuffed simply for standing up for what they believe in got me teary eyed a few times.
Hmmmm, now im watching Roseanne.
idk what weird force attracts me to Darlene from this show... but its deffinitely strong. lol. im a weird ass.

you say im confused,
but i know who i am,
you say im to young,
but you just dont understand,
the fact that this is me,
all im ever gunna be,
and your trippin,
if your hopein,
that i'll re-asign myself,
to make you feel confortable,
this is unacceptable,
that in a world wishin for "peace"
that you cant take the minute
to listen to me,
a voice of a million,
trying to be heard,
the fact that your killin,
is beyond absurd,
equality at reach,
but you just wont listen,
the point of the fact,
is just what your missin,
"gay rights"
its as simple as that,
just like womans,

ugh, why just when i want to settle down and get my life on track...
my exs gotta try and fuck it up. I finally had the guts to ask Crystal out and then dani and another one of my exs gotta try and hook me again, and they both knew what they were doing when they did it, what the hell am i supposed to do?

you know those times when you wish you had a controlling person in your life? the kind of people who would tell you what THEY think you should do? i want one. most people want them to get the fuck out but i want one. i hate being stuck in a rut. but i wont exagerate on the rut.

so... one of my friends ran away. she left a suicide note saying that she was gunna drown herself. but she didnt she has been gone for like... a few days and... her brother saw her but she booked it. why does she insist on putting the stress on all of us?

i got mad.
you frusterated me.
i care about her,
i got steemed.
so,
i dont know if this is what you wanted but...
its what you got.
an apology.
take it or leave it.

you say she's your best friend and that the fact isnt going to change.you say that you're always going to be there for her. but, if thats so, then why do you neglect her when she needs you the most. is A really that much more important?

last night.
best night ever.
nuff said.

so uhm...
last night me and meghan were on the phone.
i feel like an ass...
cuz at the beggining of the convo i just blabbered on about absalutely nuthing and didnt take the time to notice she was crying,
i believe she was trying to hide it from me.
and, it worked, until she sniffled and let out a small sigh,
my heart skipped a beat and i was like

so uhm...
i havnt posted a blog in a long time,
its prolly cuz my mom didnt pay the bill and our internet got shut off!
yup, thats it.
so uhm....
i have made a descision over the past day or so and...
i only like one girl.
and im going to fight for her.
im not going to tell you her name but... i believe she knows who she is.
i cannot wait to see her.
it'll be amazing.
yup.

omg.
so yea, the lesbians that were makeing out in my bathtub are amazing.
we hung out till like.... 11:00 last night.
it was like... mind blowing-ly hillarious.
boy do lesbians have a sense of humor,
there were phrases used like "fatty dance"
and "aqua man"
omg.
we talked about ex's and "futures"
and we played "super lesbian" duh duh duh duh!
we got kicked out of a grocery store.

so my friends are sitting in my bathtub.
they are makeing out and grunting and omg.
erin is wearing cheetah boxers ((shes hot!))
and amber is rubbing her all over,
i swear im about to have an orgasm!
i walked in a minute ago and i swear there were some dancing fingers.
oh my ghaa!!!!
they are so hot!
i will post pictures of the two and of them kissing later!
byeeee!
-hayden.

ugh ugh ugh.
elle was supposed to be here at noon.
its 1:30 almost.
doesnt she realize i worry when she's late?
it doesnt bug me...
but...
driving from where she lives to where live...
it should only take about....
15 mins?
ugh...
not an hour and a half.
anyhoo.
while i sit here and worry i will try to find a different topic.
how about maggie,
shes found someone to ask out...

YAY! ^^
im done with my C&B prject!
yayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayay!
omg omg omg.
you all dont even know the extent of my happiness!
its worth 300 points and i have been stressing about it for like.... 3 weeks.
and its finally done!
thanks maggie!
she gave me the idea.
ugh.
elle wont pick up her phone.

i think mine would be with shane or carmen from the Lword ((i cannot remember their actual names for the life of me))

so, today is my last day of suspension!
yay ^^
so uhm...
i have been going hemp crazy lately.
and... its paying off, my neck isnt as bare as usual.
so uhm...
i talked on the phone with the maggie last night and...
im beggining to like her more and more.
the subject that i liked her poped up.
on her part i'd say.
but whatev.
she knows.
i know ((durh))
we all know.

get suspended for 5 days because of sharpie on your face and arms?