Up until the 9th grade I lived being with girls and having sex. Until I fell in love with my best friend who knew I was gay for him but always chickened out to show him how much of an attraction I had for him. He was straight and our friendship ended but I ended up attracted to other male friends. I had no desire to have sex with someone gay. I don't understand what happened I had sex with girls before but now I have no wish to, but u can't find a good friend that will let me please him orally that's all I care for. I am depressed to the point I hate my life and this earth. Am I crazy?