* inspired by the character, Thomas, in Downton Abbey.
There are no ghosts in
your winter-clothed heart
but real monsters claw at
the fleshy, pink walls,
screaming insults that
reach your ears
all the way from inside.
your mind is a damaged
ten years ago,
some mean private schoolboys
threw a stone
through the rainbow-lace glass.
And maybe your lips are bruised
who never bothered staying
leaving you alone to burn
your fingers against
a vanilla candle flame.
Thomas, your green
eyes were blinded
*inspired by this quote: "Love exists in powder. Love exists in pills. We are all addicts."- Pete Wentz, Gray
I used to fall asleep to the crunching
sound of riots in the alleys
outside my window
when I was a child.
But boy, you never had that luxury.
While I was always
searching for secret passageways
and trap doors under floorboards
and between sweaty cobblestones,
you never even tried to touch
the delicate shadows up in
the attic back home.
But there's something about
your perfectly tailored self
that still gets under my skin,
making me want to find all
*inspired by Richard Siken's poetry
Daybreak was smeared across
the upstairs window like
frosting on a week old cake.
I woke up with the feel of
your august fingers on my temples,
rubbing circles the way
you used to do when I was nervous.
It was comforting then
but now it haunts me.
Jamie, I'm mad at myself
for dreaming of ghosts
and maroon sweaters.
It only means that I'm dwelling on this,
on the shadow that you left behind,
living inside its cold attic chest,
breathing out stale carnations
through silvery lungs.
I miss you, Jamie.
I miss the iron butterflies
*I've been reading Judy Shepard's book "The Meaning of Matthew" about her son who was murdered in 1998. I wanted to write a poem about who Matthew was as a person, not just the headline story. The title was taken from Lady Gaga's cover of "Imagine" by John Lennon.*
The state melted into a pool
of cerulean in your eyes,
Wyoming tinted your hair
a cowboy prairie blond and
stained your boyish lips
with a wanderlust grin.
Matthew, you've grown
older by now but some
things never change like how
the Curious Unknown
still sparkles in your dreams,
the sticker lights of Laramie.
*inspired by Brian and Michael from Queer as Folk :P
The sun dies in your irises as you lie in bed,
clutching a joint between your fingers and
savoring the memory of a fight on your lips.
Friend, you start the evening off like a burst
of color and light brighter than a carousel,
but towards the end of the rave, you're
already bored and empty so you turn
to hospitals and dramatic suicidal promises,
threatening to jump if I don't hold your hand.
Manipulating the seasons in Pittsburgh,
my friend, you drive me wild.
But somehow, I'm always playing this game.
*I guess this is my version of a love letter :) the title is from my all-time favorite book by Nick Burd.
Dear perpetual stranger,
In august, I saw you at a neighborhood get-together
and though we both said it was stupid and boring,
the truth is I didn't mind because your irises were
filled with buttery gingerbread and your Clark Kent
type smile made me feel like I wasn't a sad story,
doing somersaults through the summer.
Trailer park flowers grow outside your front door,
but I walk up the road leading to it
with excitement ramming in my chest because
*so I watched this independent LGBT film called Shelter and I loved it so much, I wrote this poem.*
The brainwashed sun sticks to my eyelids
in the pear drop morning.
Wandering down these
I wear a practiced smile.
But your name is something foreign;
a long-forgotten page
from my adolescent journal,
and so used to flying under the radar,
I'm at a loss for words when
you give me a compliment.
Still, you seem comfortable
in your thick skin and it's
seeing how you joke
without straying from the truth,
You guys have to check out Richard Siken's poetry! It's seriously one of the most brilliant and beautiful things I've ever read and it's helping me write the boy/boy poems I've posted here as of late :P My favorite poem of his is called "Little Beast" but they're all so seductive and gorgeous and haunting. Here's a link to his webpage but I went as far as buying his book "Crush" on Amazon because I'm that much in love with his writing :D So I hope you enjoy it also..
This particular song, Shake the Disease, is pretty much how I feel right now.
"Can't you see it's misery
And torture for me
When I'm misunderstood
Try as hard as you can, I've tried as hard as I could
To make you see
How important it is for me"
This part of the song reminds me of trying to explain trans issues to my parents. I've been trying to explain to them why it matters to me what they call me, but it's really difficult to make that clear. And it is torture for me to be misunderstood.
"Here is a plea
From my heart to you
I haven't visited this site in so long I forgot my password, changed my email address, started college, and became President of my Universities GLBT organization. I feel so bad for not visiting in such a long time, especially because this site helped me so much during my time of complication. I am the former frizzfro45 for any of you who would recognize that. I have changed so much since my sophmore year in highschool, when I first discovered Oasis. I am so thankful for everyone on this site and everything this site stands for.
Okay, you guys have to see this video. It's been out there for awhile apparently, but I'd never seen it. A friend just posted in on fb, and it got me all weepy. As someone who loves and mentors teenagers, this is the kind of shit I live for.