I have been sporadically writing here since 2005. At that time I thought I was bisexual with straight tendencies. Now I am almost certain that is not the case.

Over the years I have had boyfriends, and I am currently married to a man. This is apparently completely irrelevant.

i'm feeling kind off like crystal today.... the really expencive kind you break by ringing too hard....and it's because today is the 7th year anniversery of my first date, with my first bf.... so, if you could send hugs, kisses, love,chocolate, and any thing else you can think off to get me out of my nest of tissues and tear-stained photos, i'd love it very much....

Just found out I've got more than one person on my list of close friends who actually secretly hates me, except they've now come out of the closet, so to speak. So two of the people I most loved and trusted have winked out of my life in the past two weeks, and another whom I love and care about is now gone too - for a time, at least. I them all the best. I'm doing my best these days to get better and climb out of that "sea of despair" (to use a nautical cliche) Hopefully I can stay out and dry for awhile this time.

Background: So I decided to see what would happen if I stopped calling my best friend of fifteen years. He never called me back. He was sick and dying for many of those years and our friendship, and now that he's better and I moved to college (only two hours away) he doesn't have time for me.

i wrote this a couple of months ago about some one who means everything to me although we aren't as close as we used to be and i don't see or speak to her much and just wanted to share it with people.

These Dark Waters
As I tread these dark waters once again, my mind in termoil, my heart breaks with the clouds over head and once again you appear.

Just when I thought I knew you
I found I never had.
The love you gave was insecure
Not quite so golden-clad.

What drew me in was kindness;
A friend above the rest.
Until you found out my secret
Our friendship was a test.

How can one bind by such a thought
And lie to break a day?
I’ve heard the way you speak of me
Once I turn away.

All I ever saw in us was friendship,