personal

oldngay's picture

First Entry

Ain't gonna pretend I'm a player. I'm 70. Age and medicine consusmption have lef me impotent, but I was never very butch anyway.

poetic_star's picture

something that's been bothering me..

I don't really know where to start but there's something that I've never understood and I just want some form of clarification, I guess, though it might still be impossible for me to understand because I just feel so different from everybody else. But.. When I was between 10 and 13 I was molested by an adult I lived with at the time and some other stuff happened to me when I was 17 and 18 that were equally traumatic. I'm not "normal", by any means, especially when it comes to intimacy and relationships because I don't trust just anyone with my body.

poetic_star's picture

running out of things to keep me numb

When I first signed onto this site, I told myself I would refrain from writing anything personal because it just isn't my style but I have to admit now that I'm really lonely and in need of some support. Also, I'm running out of things to keep me numb. Before when my depression would get extremely bad, I would focus on the present or distract myself with a hobby, mostly I would daydream about the future and what I hoped to accomplish but now I feel like that was just false hope because here I am, years later; still miserable and a failure.

the_loser's picture

blame it on my ADD, baby

We had a good talk. I hope I can learn to understand. I asked her for sure and she loves me. Things are unpredictable. She might not love me tomorrow but for now she loves me with everything she has, and that's more than I thought she would say. She never tells me really how much. Sometimes people are robots and they say I love you without meaning it. I'm so shitty that I can't comprehend how someone can love me. But she does. That's good enough for me I guess. I can't be selfish or sad anymore about it. I love her more than anything. She's the most important person to me.

the_loser's picture

home is wherever I'm with you

I think I will be okay. I don't know what will happen. I may be over reacting, who knows. But I'd rather be prepared for the worst. I'm going to be here whenever she needs me. I hope that's ok. She loves me. She is worried she will never be happy on her own. Why can't she understand sometimes people need help before they can be their own person? We are changing. That's ok. I can change with it. I feel like I'm maturing. I don't feel selfish anymore. I've realized this the past couple days. I don't care how I feel about it. I don't care if I'm sad.

the_loser's picture

don't leave me tongue-tied

I found out last night from tumblr that my girlfriend is having doubts in our relationship from an anonymous question she asked a blog. I never go on there. I have only been on there the last couple days. She thinks I never use it. I usually don't. But I saw it.

Mango_Loo102's picture

My Own

In a labyrinth
Walking tightropes
Between two different worlds
Of humanity and savagery
It destroys me
And Defects my happy delusions
I've come to come conclusion
That collision is soon to come
Give me your strongest scream
Not your feeble dreams
Feed me your darkest truths
Not your unbidden lies
Shadows that ooze and drip
Upon the walls
Shroud my solid epiphany

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