As I walk by you, I make eye contact.
We start talking.

As I'm about to leave, you do something.
Something that shatters my soul, makes me cringe.

You smile.

At first, I'm happy.
But then it clouds over.

Suddenly, I feel different;
Feel thousands of things at once.

Like Pain.

The pain's cold like ice,
But it burns like flame.

I've slipped in a puddle of emotions,

Dive

One tentative step
Cut through the misty fog

The internal battle rages

“Why am I doing this?”
“It’s the only way out.”

I look forward,
See a circle of people.
In the middle, a young girl;
A wheelchair is on the ground near her,
It's been pushed over.
Everyone's screaming at her.
Laughing at her.
No one stops them.
No one cares.
She's trying hard to keep back her tears.
Then, someone speaks to me,
Tells me to join in.
I know that if I refuse they'll hurt me, too.
So I join their game.

Curiously waiting
Through these days of separating
Never knowing why I’m here
But drowning wild in the fear
Sometimes I like the sound
the world can make
When it all goes down
It all goes down just to come back up
And up there, I can’t get enough
Hallucinating, I am free
I separated you from me

Mysteries are golden
Driving me to break the mold

The curtain crosses over the glass and blocks the sunlight from coming through
But your face was all I needed to keep the world outside subdued
The inside is now golden, panted with warmth, containing the cold
And drifting in-between the cracks of this window’s heavy mold
Inside our world, only a room, but still has become our entity
We drift inside one another, creating beauty endlessly

I cannot sleep tonight
Though, I am dreaming
About a desert quenched with rain
About the ice age melting slowly
The tables turn
And frozen burns
And hate and love become unknown
Because engaging in that switch
Would only cause us to explode
And misery is no longer disguised
By lonely smiles that please the eyes
The burden of a lack of compassion

Young Children
Start life-long friendships
That I did with you
we were friends
since seven
best friends
since fifteen
then something inside me changed
My love for you has grown
more then you'll ever know
If only I had words to say what I mean
I am no longer just that invisable girl
Nor I am I a teen
So now I think
it's time
for me to come clean
It isn't hard for me to say

Has anyone read any of Sappho's poetry? I have and I think it's astoundingly well-penned, honest and raw. Sappho was one of the greatest lesbian poetesses that ever lived, I think.

And your memories are reeling, I can see them.
They break my heart because I see myself in them with you.
We walked along together in the past and now I’ve lost you.
I trail behind because I know that somewhere in that heart of yours is a piece of me.
A piece of what we used to be.
I am so certain that nothing will come of this.

Waking up in the morning sun.
Another painful day has just begun.
Another day of pretending to be
Someone I'm not
Wishing I was just forgot.
Beautiful little girl with golden blond locks.
Holds a secret that would shock.
Don't understand it.
Don't want to live with it.
How can I just forgive it?
Taking over my life.
Can't sleep at night.
There is so much fright.
Built up inside.

I’ll take a walk around the town
Remember the places I used to know
Find the place where we laid our heads
The place where our bodies first met
Well, they didn’t meet indefinitely
We searched each other in helpless need
The sudden noises outside of our world
Were muted as if they had been told
That we needed this from the start
It was our first chance to live

we are all caught in the crisis
and it lives in the night
it breathes hate, it breeds life
and it's a sharpened knife
we've all got someone who is wronging you,
longing to take you away from the truth that remains
life is beauty, life is love
but the ones who don't believe
they've caused this grudge
the crisis remains
and it will not be tamed
until we've taken the sky

They taught us about the stars in school.
White giants and novas and dying stars.
But tonight, the moon and the sun and the stars align.
And I know, soon I’ll have to stop telling this lie.
Have I traveled too many light-years from the truth
to recognize it now?
Te Amo, mi amour,
But my Nana never taught me the word for
Forever,
So I can’t promise you more that I already have.

Here's a bunch of poems I wrote tonight while I was in a productive vein.

Modern

I feel very cold
But I might go stand in the rain

I'm not sure I can see
But I might go sit in the dark

I can't feel my legs
But I might feel the need to run away

I feel very fragile
But I might go stand on the highway

I might be insane
But you can call me modern
Or maybe misunderstood,

Those summer nights held magic,
And me beneath your fingertips,
Well, I thought we could dance forever.
I can’t seem to find what I have lost,
You’re still so close, and yet too far,
I just want to be where you are.
So lay me down and cast your spell,
And I’ll open my eyes in the June sun,
And I’ll still be the one.
But I keep those words, tucked in tight,

Initials carved into a tree,
By a girl,
Who’s future I cannot see.
She is the world, my world,
And I am just the moon,
Traveling around her,
Desperate to keep up.
There is something not quite
Right,
About this not quite,
Relationship.
Each day is just another yesterday,
They end the same way.
She asks me if I love her,
But it is I who ask for nothing.
I have seen the sun fall,

To see her words,
Such an unfamiliar scrawl,
Describe thoughts I once
Thought about you,
Well the jealoust burns,
But the world still turns
Nothing I can do
Each day is just more
Blood through the hour glass.
But I know you understand
Lacking the motivation
To get out of bed, to live.
But the world still turns
And each cut still burns
Somethings never change,

Hearing your breath
Catch as I slip my
Fingers slowly in.
Hearing you beg me
To give tou what you want.
Feeling you squirm
Beneath my fingers.
Running my fingertips
over your bare skin.
Listening to you whisper
How much of a tease I am.
Feeling you from the inside
Out.
Is all I need to feel
Released
All I need to forget for those
Few moments.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Almost to the point where
I break,
Almost to the point where
I fall apart.
Where everything breaks
Down & I finally snap.
Almost to the point where
I tell my opinion to everyone,
Wher eI yell out words that
Are better left unspoken.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A pain that isn't there,
A pain that isn't real,
A pain that has lonng
Since moved on.
I can't hurt
For you,
Over you,

Buried deep beneath
Her sheets,
She's crying.
But she won't let anyone
Help her,
Hold her,
wipe her tears away.

Buried under her blankets,
She's lost to the worldd.
Lost & wandering with
Her friend Misery.

Buried deep beneath
Her sheets,
She's falling apart,
Breaking down,
Stepping closer to
The edge.

Written on 12/12/07