Im a 15 year old boy . Im battling with being gay and I dont want to be gay . I imagine having a wife with kids but Im just not attracted to females for some odd reason . Well , it was a couple a months ago when I was spending a night at my cousens house , all night we seemed to be flirting and I got a few gay vibes for him . So when we were about to go to sleep , i was so tempted , got under the covers with him and got on top of him (THATS IT) hes 15 too , and he turned over and said "What you doin." He left the room and waited until i was sleep to come back to the bed and sleep .
I think I will be okay. I don't know what will happen. I may be over reacting, who knows. But I'd rather be prepared for the worst. I'm going to be here whenever she needs me. I hope that's ok. She loves me. She is worried she will never be happy on her own. Why can't she understand sometimes people need help before they can be their own person? We are changing. That's ok. I can change with it. I feel like I'm maturing. I don't feel selfish anymore. I've realized this the past couple days. I don't care how I feel about it. I don't care if I'm sad.
First, I don't think Brad likes me. He acts too normal around me. It just doesn't seem like it. I think about him all the time.
Ok, my name is Emily, and I have the blues. The deep down, navy blues to be exact. I have almost come to the conclusion that I'm gay. But no one knows this. At all. No one even suspects it. I was in a committed relationship with a guy for two years. And on the surface, we were a perfect couple. But, I just could not make myself like him as anything other than a friend. I just don't desire guys in "that way". Just the though of "consumating" a relationship with a guy makes me want to gag! But I feel totally different about girls! The big problem is: I live in Mississippi.
I'm tired of having all these weird moods going through me. I feel as though I just don't care about anything anymore. It's been going on for like... the past week.
It's been harder for me to find things to be happy about. I'm normally that happy, cheery person.
I'm sick of it. I know I'm not depressed, at least not majorly, but it's becoming such a nuisance... I can't focus on anything because my brain is so fuzzy and I am so easily distracted, but ALWAYS bored.
Sorry for rambling.. ugh.
My lover returned today from Atlanta. I am so happy, came home a day early too. He had fun, went to the bars, saw the strippers, and all. He did not have sex with the guy he met there, as he said he was really a phony person face to face. He didn't like him after all he said, and I believe him. Robb used to lie to me on things like that but has not lied to me for over ten years now (at least gotten caught at it that is) So I am much relieved and less stress in my life now. I trusted him to go, to not screw up our relationship and my trust in him has been vindicated.
OK just to let you youngens know even us old folk get depressed once in a while. Today my lover of 19 years took off for Atlanta by him self. He is going there to meet up with a guy he has never met face to face but only on the internet. He will spend this afternoon, all of tomorrow and the next day, with him then head back here the following day. True we have an open relationship for sex only since I cant get it up to pleasure him any more (viagra doesn't work on me) and we both have agreed that we can seek out partners for the purpose of sex only.
i just found out that my long term lover has been seein someone behind my back
Spice, my Siberian husky that I have had for almost 18 years is now gone. One of the cats opened the Door to the RV two nights ago because I forgot to latch it somehow and they ALL got out at night. The cats don't wonder far, Spirit our Lab sticks around but Spice the old girl wonders afar. She some how got down by the local creek and ...well that's as much as we know.
Man does my life suck! on wednesday my boyfriend dumped my sorry ass, and then secretly started going out with a girl, i had hoped that he would come to me this morning and ask me back out but he didn't so i don't care. And then i wanted to ask out my Ex-boyfriend, who said that we can still be friends. i went through a rough weekend, so many hot guys and all so quickly! one crush after the next! I thin i got to 20 in under 5 minutes. . . and all of them were into girls, or spoken for.
A couple of days ago, Prayers for Bobby premiered. It is one of the saddest movies I have seen in a while. I've seen it a few times and I still can't get it off of my mind. It's about a boy, Bobby who realizes that he is gay, but his parents, especially his mom doesn't approve of his homosexuality.
To give the shortest explanation, I finally asked and learned that S does not return my crush. Somehow I was expecting that...
Our friendship appears to be relatively unscathed (if I may venture such an appraisal three days later), which I am glad about. I'm trying to hide disappointment now though, and frustration because I'm still attracted to her but have to stop hoping.
I wish I could say I was not hurt, I wish I could say I didn't see this coming and I wish I could say I put my emotion aside to believe that she got busy with easter or something! I wish I didn't take this personally but I am
she stood me up! I am numb right now! feeling not good enough, worthy blah blah you know how it is! I am sad and I dont even really have a reason to be
I dont know wot to do anymore, i had a place sorted for me and my girlfriend to move into and now my mum and dad do not want to be my guarantor and now i could losse the flat. i dont know wot to do. someone please let me know wot they think i should do.
my friend has been involved in tons of different kinds of selfharm for years. recently, she has taken up choking. i understand that she needs something to keep her going, but the choking is making her dizzy and sick, and i'm worried that it could cause her to...die.
so my question to you all,
can choking make you die?
Sora (My Best friend/ sort of girlfriend) came over. I think the tension between us is a little thicker or something. We didn't hug today. We normally greet eachother that way. I wish I could break the tension but I don't know how. Every time I want to say something it gets caught in my throat. Or if I try to do something I freeze up. It's really weird.
I watched the end of Chrono Crusade today. It was sad... Sad is an understatement. I cried, a lot. Poor Asmaria.
I'm also waiting for the last episode of Kyou Kara Maoh to be uploaded to youtube. That series isn't like, amazing or anything, but it's worth watching just for Yurri and Wolfram. XD I love those two. <3
this makes me feel so sad.
i'm watching Dr. 90210, and i just can't help feeling sad for these poor people. these beautiful people, because of what society and the media had told them, try and make themselves into something that's not humanly possible.
and, it just sickens me that these doctors perpetuate these lies simply for the money. grrrrrr.....
i thought i was over this shit. but it seems to have reared its ugly head again. i'll spare you the details and just let you know that when i get depressed, i GET DEPRESSED. this is not, "Oh, i feel kinda sad." This is, "I'd like to jump off the deck and break my neck right now just to make the negative feelings go away." and tomorrow's christmas eve.
Welllllll, I went ice skating on Friday, and I had SO much fun. Not to mention that during school, my crush (who I will call Alex) came up to me and held my hands and gave me a hug and said that she couldn't wait to go. She was the one who invited me in the first place. (Perhaps I have a chance?) I couldn't concentrate for the rest of the day. I think my parents were worried at the way I kept pacing around and fussing with my clothes.