well i useualy like the cold better, even though my friends all use me as a space heater during the winter because i am always so warm, but this afternoon i was sitting outside burning off some trash in our trash pit. i am useualy not too trusting of fire, but today i was sitting there and i thought that the fire was very beautiful. i think tyler has gotten in my head a little bit, but i like fire now. i thik i will try to be more like the phoenix and rise from the ashes of my errors. i feel like i am renewed and it is all good. i feel like i am , . . . new.
I feel like this could be a day like any other, on of us has to move but we wait for the other to move first. I’ll force a laugh to break our stillness, your silence concerns me. This is only going to get harder, before it turns easy. We can’t keep safe, if we need to take a break.
I am alone in this now, I am as I’ve always been. You seem so lost in her, so lost to me. You look like you always will be, just beyond my reach. But I will keep trying.
well i got som shitty news just now, my bf's dad found one of my notes i wrote him and has now sworn to find me and kick my ass. i am thinking about breaking up with him, or haveing him come out of the closet with our relationship. i am actualy leaning more twards breaking up. my life has now officaly gon down into the crapper. if i break up with him, i might not get back into the game untill i am 18 (two years from now).
can i get a little help, i feel like i invite/ bring down misery on anyone who i am friends/ going out with.
well i am at a draw. i really want to go to hollywood and be an actor, but i also want to be in/make a band. like a linkin park type band. i would so thrash mike snioda's lyrics! but i could also use my big brain and be a doc, or something... or be an artist. i might put my pic as a self portrait i did yesterday( i was kinda mad as a forewarning!) that looks exactly like me.
just an fyi
well i found somone who might go out with me, but he said he made a promise to himself to wait to go out with anyone again untill he is 16. three months from sunday! he is sooooo hot! i hope he will say he will go out with me, but there is always the chance he will say no,... but i choose to be hopeful. the only drawback is he is in the closet and bi, the closet i can understand, . . . it is the bi part that i am worried about...
Anyways, he lives in town and is AMAZINGLY HOT! i have had like a MAJOR crush on him all year long. Wish me luck guys, . . .