Easter was fun, but my father-in-law was a bit of an ass... I think.
The problem is I'm not sure, his sarcasm tone isn't that distinct from his sincere tone since he's fairly cranky all the time.
It was time to cut the ham and he said something to the order of, "well it has to be a man to cut the meat and I'm not going to do it because I have a headache... that means you have to do it!" and then when I said I didn't want to because I don't know anything about how to cut the meat he said, "well if you want to be a man you have to do it!"
Dad is coming to visit tomorrow and I find myself really excited and kinda nervous at the same time.
So far, he's probably my strongest ally in getting mom to come around with pronoun use and general trans* respect, but I know we've got some problems too.
For one, he supports me completely and utterly... but he's kind of a push over. When things with mom get heated he chooses the path of least resistance. There's pacifism, and then there's unhealthy relationship. He just hides in his work, or just doesn't bring it up at all, even if I really need his help.
Welcome to your sporadic over sharers anonymous meeting!
I just wanna share some things with you guys. (:
Insomnia+Long term girlfriend=Waking her up with your hand in her panties because she fell asleep an hour ago and you're still wide awake. This is insomnia in it's most basic form. The long term girl is the important part of this. Because unless she loves you, she isn't going to wake up just to have a quick fuck.
The good news, is that she loves me. She woke up to my hand in her panties and now she's back asleep and we're both satisfied.
This particular song, Shake the Disease, is pretty much how I feel right now.
"Can't you see it's misery
And torture for me
When I'm misunderstood
Try as hard as you can, I've tried as hard as I could
To make you see
How important it is for me"
This part of the song reminds me of trying to explain trans issues to my parents. I've been trying to explain to them why it matters to me what they call me, but it's really difficult to make that clear. And it is torture for me to be misunderstood.
"Here is a plea
From my heart to you
I'm currently living at home, both for the upcoming holidays and because my panic attacks and bad reactions to my medicine were making finishing the semester impossible, even if it's only a week or two. I do feel like being home is helping with my anxiety in that I can sort of get away from the crowded chaotic-ness of dorm life and college.
It took you sucking the sweetness from the pears in my garden
To make me want to get clean,
To stop taking the drugs you blasted through the airwaves,
To go from celebrity crushed to crushed by a celebrity.
Because the last thing I need is someone else telling me what a real man should do,
I get enough of that already.
I stood up for you when people called you a slut,
Told them where to stick their criteria for a promiscuous woman,
Thought that what you were doing wasn't feminism,
But neither was telling you to stop, that it's somehow worse when you objectify men
I'm currently supposed to be finishing up some homework. I don't feel like it for multiple reasons, but one thing that bothers me is that my full name is prominently displayed whenever I go to do it. It's online homework, and so it's under my full legal name, the one I gave the college. It's infuriating. I feel depressed when I look at it, like my work is all really someone else's.
And of course, binding hurts, is itchy and uncomfortable, but I'm scared to transition, scared that I'll regret it. Yet I'm binding daily and disguising my feminine features. I'm so frustrated right now. :(
I'm really not sure what I'm experiencing right now. This journal is a good place to document my feelings, though.
I am having a dysphoric day.
Today was decent until I got up to get dressed. I've been struggling with something selfish- there's a flannel shirt I love that my girlfriend hates. It has a slight history, in that it reminds her of someone who she dislikes. So I've been trying to wear it in ways that bother her less, but I think I should just cut the shirt out of my life. It is really just a shirt, and looking out for my girlfriend means so much more to me.
so alot of my friends who are "out of the closet" are talking
and all of a sudden the whole speech about people saying its okay to be you. and I accept you comes up.
my friends are all "I'm tired of that its over used."
Or a friend said, "I accept you, but don't like me."
i dont understand... isnt that the wat for people say to reassure us that
we're all good, that no matter wat, no matter who we are, we're stil going to b the same?
Welll....I graduate high school today.
And I'm 18 in August.
My mom and stepdad (favorite parents) are moving to Arizona in like a month cause he has asthma and has been working for like 30 some years and can't do another winter. Also family down there. And my mom goes too.
...I'm with the dad and stepmom who genuinely love me and try their hardest, but I will never be Trey Casen Willliams, male, and their son to them.
they just don't see it.
I identify as queer or Androgyne. There was a time I identified as trans. Adrogyne is a name my fiancé gave me to accommodate my female body and masculine mindset and outward expression. (In other words I'm a total "dyke") I prefer the term Androgyne or boi. I'd like to know what everyone else out there identifies as. Are you Queer, gay, ally (friend of gays that is straight), fag hag, fag stag, lesbian, les lover (the male equivalent to lezzies as a femaleis to gay people, aka fag hag), boi, queen, FTM, MTF?
And, why do you identify that way?
Have you every thought, "I want a sex change...or do I?"
I wrote this for my poetry class (it's supposed to be a prose outpouring on a body part). What do you all think?
October 2007 is a long way from my last entry. I've moved to London, from Ohio. I'm going to school as a boy, which was beyond my wildest dreams last time i posted here.
Written while thinking of a little transgirl I heard about. May she and all like her be well.
Don't cry, my mermaid
Don't sigh, my mermaid
Let me follow you into the sea
It's going to be alright
You can put your trust in me
I will hold you through the night
Don't scream, my mermaid
Just dream, my mermaid
Someday it can all come true
i have been trying to fill out applications lately and have had a few asking me if i have ever worked or been in school under any other name or ss number. i had my name legally changed a year ago, and i am pretty much stuck with what to put. i know that i cant lie on an application, and i dont want to be out as trans at work. anyone have any clue?
I havent written an ACTUAL entry in a while.
Not much to miss, except my eccentricness.
I totally finished "Hit By A Farm"
The first day it arrived.
But, I've been a little busy with teh schoolwork and my upcoming birthday (april 14thh). Im pretty much gonna lose all of my inhibitions with my friends all night..bout it.
By Jeff Walsh
"Transparent: Love, Family, and Living the T with Transgender Teenagers" tells two stories, the story of young minority trans girls coming to terms with themselves in Los Angeles, and author Cris Beam's journey from being someone who ran away from her own mother at a young age who becomes the foster mother of Christina, the main subject of the book. Cris and I recently chatted about how she started writing this book, what it taught her, and what she hoped people could learn from it.
The thing that was interesting to me in the book was... as much as I work with youth, it's all online, so there's a built-in distance. And reading your book, there was no way I would have been able to deal with everything. It was way too much drama for me.
Yeah, there was a lot of drama.
Was that something you had to learn to deal with, or do you just have a better tolerance than me?
There was a lot of drama, for sure. When Christina came to live with us, I was certainly overwhelmed a lot of the time, and made a lot of mistakes. So, it was definitely tough. I got used to it gradually, I think, because I was teaching at the school. So, I acclimated in a way.
Is anyone else on here transgender/transsexual?