We had a good talk. I hope I can learn to understand. I asked her for sure and she loves me. Things are unpredictable. She might not love me tomorrow but for now she loves me with everything she has, and that's more than I thought she would say. She never tells me really how much. Sometimes people are robots and they say I love you without meaning it. I'm so shitty that I can't comprehend how someone can love me. But she does. That's good enough for me I guess. I can't be selfish or sad anymore about it. I love her more than anything. She's the most important person to me.
I couldn't think of a satisfactory title to suit the real purpose of this entry, so I'm throwing in this thing about a pocket Bible as well, because that made a nice title. I found a pocket Bible the other day, with a green plastic cover and bearing the information 'THE GIDEONS INTERNATIONAL' and 'THIS BOOK NOT TO BE SOLD,' on a Dumpster. So I took it. Nobody leaves things on a Dumpster if he wants to keep them anymore. Although, usually if he doesn't want them, he puts them in the Dumpster. Maybe it just seemed wrong to put a Bible in a Dumpster, I don't know.
So I just got back from my audition for the school play, and I think it went really well. Considering that I've only ever been in a play once before and all. The monologue I used was all about a person lamenting that her life wasn't more like a musical, and I could really relate to that pretty well - even though I can't sing worth a (something worth singing worth?), if I could change one impossible thing about the world, it would be for real life to be like the musicals. Yup, that wins out over world peace.
I don't even know what I'm doing here; I just discovered this site today, but it looks like a lot of kids not all that different from me write a lot of stuff here that may be crap or may actually be kind of meaningful, so I'm willing to give it (whatever 'it' is) a shot without worrying too much about clogging up the Internet with my irrelevant musings.
I'm sick and tired of "bi" girls. I'm freaking DONE with being the experiment. I hate the fact that almost every girl I like decides to use me. Kiss me, touch me, whisper sweet things to me. And then dump me on the side of the road. I feel like I'm lost in the tundra with nothing on but my scarred skin. I want to be loved, damn it! I want to, at least ONCE, feel appreciated. LOVE. Isn't that what I'm about?