I have grown SO MUCH as a person this past year.
I've gone to college. For the sake of anonymity, I don't want to go into details. But I am SO much more comfortable with myself. I feel like, "it's okay, I can do this!"
I went to the Coming Out Ball. I did a project on a gay neighborhood. I went to a party. Every guy on my floor pretty much knows I'm gay. The girls, not so much. I've heard homophobic talk from some of the girls on my floor, and I have a lot of conservative friends. I'm not ready to take that step.
Okay... I recently switched schools, and made a bunch of new friends... and there's one in particular that I like... a LOT. (Let's call her Emma)
So Emma and I hit it off right away, becoming almost instant friends. We have a sort of intellectual friendship, and she says that before I came to the school, no one really understood her. I love spending time around her, and when I pass her in the hall, I literally cannot stop smiling...
I'm gay... i just realized this.
except i have a girlfriend. and i don't wanna tell her that the reason i wanna break up is because i'm gay.
even if i made up a reason, if she saw me or heard. about me going out with a guy, she'd like kill herself... because nowadays, at least at my school, it's social suicide to date a gay guy before he comes out. and to make matters worse, i've already met her parents and i have a crush on her gay best friend (he's literally the cutest boy i've ever seen, other than ones on TV).
what do i do?
Basically hate myself.
Probably because I'm just a chicken and I won't talk to her. =/
Well, this is my first thing. im in a homohating school, and need help finding someone. sadly, since my school is like this, If a single non-gay person found out about this, my life is ruined. I have the sort-of advantage of bisexuality, but....
Okay, so I'm over my straight crush.
I mean, it's not like I need a crush to complete me or anything, I just need to rant about my last crush and some possible ones. If you don't want to read a stupid, whiny rant, I suggest you don't continue here.
Yesterday I finally worked up the guts to semi-ask my crush out. I think I kind of freaked her out. Not because of what I said or anything, but because my face was completely expressionless the whole time I talked to her.
Last night, I got home and just felt immensely disappointed.
It was realization that I was behind the line that she was chalking up that said "I AM STRAIGHT, WE ARE JUST FRIENDS."
Well, it turns out that a boy in my class has a crush on me. Not only that, he's also liked me ever since last year. Weird. I've gotten these "lovey-dovey" vibes from him lately, but before today, I was wondering if I was just seeing things. Since I learned today at lunch that my two best friends have noticed it, too, though, now I know for sure that he likes me.
i am officially total chicken shit. i can't talk to the girl that i like, at all. and she's gay too, it's not like i'm having the classic straight girl problem. we see each other fairly often, have friends in common, and are on a semi-friend basis ourselves. and yet i can't talk to her. i see her, and my hands start to shake, and i feel like i'm going to pass out. i suck. i'm abandoning attempts at flirting and significant other seeking, in the slight hope that everyone that says "once you stop looking, she'll come" is right.